


what's it gonna be?

by korapika



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora is pretty and popular, Adora rides a motorcycle, Alternate Universe - High School, Catra is a giant lesbian, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-03-01 12:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18800035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/korapika/pseuds/korapika
Summary: The new girl at Bright Moon High isn't very new to Adora at all.or; Catra attends a new school and reunites with her ex best friend. It's complicated.





	1. i don't believe in forever

**Author's Note:**

> so...i haven't written in a very long time and i've never written anything for this fandom (i've also only watched the show once so far so please excuse any OOC-ness) so i hope this isn't too rushed. i hope you enjoy it nevertheless because i'm having fun writing this!  
>   
> song: "what's it gonna be?" by shura

_“Rise and shine, Wildcat!”_

Catra groaned and attempted to shield her eyes from the glaring sun, but it was to no avail. She opened them to discover Scorpia, already dressed, standing by her now unconcealed window. Scorpia smiled at her, “Ready for your first day?”  
  
Catra groaned again, making a shooing motion with her hand. Thankfully, Scorpia got the hint and left the room giggling to herself, throwing something that sounded suspiciously like “Meet me for breakfast in ten minutes” over her shoulder. Catra groggily pushed herself up into a sitting position, taking in the messy room around her.  
  
She’d been living with Scorpia’s family for three months now and even if she didn’t really want to admit it, it had been a good three months.  
  
Scorpia’s parents were kind but busy, which Catra didn’t object to, and Scorpia, while sometimes overbearing and unable to take a hint, genuinely cared about her.   
  
If you had asked her just a year ago if she could ever imagine herself here, in a room that belonged just to her, with adults around who took care of her without trying to hurt or manipulate her – well – she would’ve laughed in your face.  
  
Realizing that she did eventually have to get up if she wanted to make it to school on time (not that she personally cared, but she had promised to make an effort), Catra heaved herself up and made her way into the bathroom, decidedly trying not to think about whom she might encounter at her new school today.  
  
Definitely more than ten minutes later, Catra found herself sitting at the kitchen island with Scorpia, happily munching on her cinnamon toast while Scorpia retold a story about her friend – and crush, Catra noticed with a wry smile – who had apparently built a functioning robot all by herself. “You’re gonna love her”, she insisted and Catra didn’t have it in her to disagree. She also couldn’t help but wonder about the other students at the school.  
  
So here’s the thing, Catra’s childhood best friend, Adora, had left her behind at the orphanage they were both raised in about two years prior, and she didn’t exactly handle it well. The past two years Catra had been in a miserable place, mentally and physically, with Ms. Weaver, their caretaker, letting out all of her frustrations about Adora leaving on her.  
  
Catra had blamed Adora for it, maybe she still did, and she knew the other girl had been taken in by a family right here in Bright Moon. “A real family”, Adora had said, smiling up at the grey ceiling, “A girl our age and her mom. They live in a giant house, it’s almost like a castle! They even have a horse, can you believe that?”  
  
Catra had gotten up and left, crying by herself in the bathroom for hours afterwards, unable to stop thinking about how she wasn’t enough for Adora, how she wasn’t “a real family”.   
  
_"Anyway"_ , Catra thought to herself as they got up to leave, _"even if Adora’s there, I don’t have to talk to her. She probably doesn’t even remember me."_  
  
Catra’s apprehension grew to an all-time high when she got out of Scorpia’s car and entered the school premises. The building was large, a stark white lit up by the morning sun, with what felt like a billion students of all ages and appearances milling about just by the parking lot. She suddenly felt nauseated.  
  
Scorpia put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”, she asked and Catra would’ve loved to tell her the truth, to say “I can’t do this” and run back home. But Catra wasn’t weak, she never had been, and she wouldn’t start today.   
  
So she shook Scorpia’s hand off and took a step towards her new life.

* * *

“Hello, dear. Whoever may you be? I don’t think I’ve seen you around?”  
  
In front of her stood an old woman, her eyes unfocused and hands shaky. Her name tag read “Secretary: Mrs. Razz”. Catra handed over her papers, avoiding the old woman’s surprisingly piercing stare.  
“Catra. I’m new.”  
  
She knew she probably wasn’t making the most charismatic first impression, but this was just the secretary, so who cares? Keeping her arms crossed in front of her chest, she tapped her foot while Mrs. Razz went to get her schedule, Scorpia giving her a thumbs up from across the room.  
  
“Alright, dear, here you go. Your first class is homeroom with Mr. Arch. I’m sure your friend can show you the way.”  
  
Scorpia thanked the woman as Catra grabbed her schedule and her locker information and shoved it into her bag without sparing it a second glance. She left the office, only barely waiting for Scorpia to catch up, and let the other girl lead her to the classroom.  
  
From the inside, the school was just as annoyingly big and preppy as it had appeared from the outside. The hallways were ginormous, lined with bright red lockers, colorful posters advertising things such as “Anime Club” and “Dance Club”, and harsh fluorescent lights mercilessly shining down on them. It made Catra sweat.   
  
Soon enough, they arrived at a door that looked exactly like all the other doors they had walked past and Scorpia knocked on it for her, then she left with a quick smile and a “Good luck!”. Catra was alone.  
  
A man exited the classroom, he was tall with dark skin and a kind face. “You must be Catra?”, he asked and Catra noticed a nervous energy about him. She nodded and he motioned for her to enter. _"You can do this, Catra"_. Taking a deep breath, she stepped into the classroom.

And immediately wanted to leave again. There were at least 25 students piled into the enormous room. Its walls were a pastel shade of purple, which Catra found appalling, and everyone was gawking at her and whispering to each other. She hated it already. Why couldn’t the Garnets let her be homeschooled? At least with Ms. Weaver she had never had to go to public school.  
  
“Everyone”, the teacher – Mr. Arch, Catra remembered – clapped his hands, “Please welcome your new classmate. Why don’t you introduce yourself?” He turned to Catra, who had been doing her best to not wring her hands too obviously. She rolled her eyes and sauntered over to the teacher’s desk, her cool and disinterested mask in place.  
  
“I’m Catra”, she said and quickly scanned the room, “And I –“, her little announcement came to an abrupt halt as she noticed a familiar face looking back at her.   
  
Adora, with her perfect blue eyes and her stupid pretty ponytail, sitting in the first row. Catra quickly looked away and cleared her throat. “Anyway, that’s all you need to know.” Mr. Arch gave her an awkward smile and asked her to sit down in any available seat. She chose the one in the back corner of the room, the farthest away from Adora.  
  
Yet, Catra couldn’t help herself. Something inside of her wanted to talk to the girl, to see something, anything on her face. Guilt, anger? Happiness? Catra scoffed at the idea. So she did what she did best, she took the long way around to her new desk, casually brushing against Adora’s in the process. She scanned the girl’s face, doing her best to appear disinterested, and smirked.  
  
“Hey, Adora.”  
  
And with that, she sat down and tuned out the rest of the lesson, but she would be lying if she said she couldn’t feel the burning blush creeping up her neck or the fact that everyone was staring at her even more than they had been before.  
  
Oh, joy.


	2. i don't wanna be that girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apart from Catra’s little introduction mishap on her first day, the two hadn’t spoken a word to each other, even though they shared most of their classes. Catra pretended it didn’t hurt her. She also pretended to not constantly be staring at Adora.  
> “You stare at her a lot, you know”, Entrapta said, finally done with her story about her newest robotics project, “Do you know each other?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still feel like this is all kind of rushed but hey! i'm just trying to get back into writing, so whatever.  
> hope you enjoy!

Catra was doing surprisingly alright at her new school. She had met Scorpia’s nerdy friend Entrapta, a girl with long lilac pigtails and a passionate love for anything scientific, and they actually did get along…somewhat.  
  
Okay, so maybe it had taken Catra a week to get used to her and even longer to like her, but it was fine. They were friends now.  
  
It had been a month since she had started attending Bright Moon High and if you ignored the fact that Adora and her stupid friends just seemed to be everywhere, she was having a decent time.  
  
Her classes were boring, which was to be expected, but she didn’t do badly, and people left her alone for the most part. There were one or two who had tried to talk to her, including, to her surprise, one of Adora’s friend. His name was Bob, or Bo, or something, and he had come up to Catra one morning before classes started and welcomed her to the school. He had seemed nice enough, with those big brown eyes and the crop tops he always seemed to wear, but he was friends with Adora so Catra had blown him off.  
  
Speaking of the devil, she was currently sitting at a table under one of the cherry blossom trees on the school grounds, with her colorful little group of friends who were all so much better than Catra, laughing about one thing or another. Catra couldn’t care less.  
  
_“If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be staring at them”_ , a voice in her head, that sounded suspiciously like Adora, said. She ignored it. It wasn't like Adora seemed to be paying much attention to her. Apart from Catra’s little introduction mishap on her first day, the two hadn’t spoken a word to each other, even though they shared most of their classes. Catra pretended it didn’t hurt her. She also pretended to not constantly be staring at Adora.  
  
“You stare at her a lot, you know”, Entrapta said, finally done with her story about her newest robotics project, “Do you know each other?”  
Catra pulled a face and dipped her fry into the ketchup, it had gone cold.  
“I guess.”  
  
Entrapta shrugged, the other girl didn’t seem to care much about human relationships and while that sucked for Scorpia, who very obviously wanted to have a human relationship with her, Catra was glad for it because it meant she never pried.  
  
“Adora’s really nice”, Scorpia said, sparing a glance at the group of friends across the courtyard, “Everyone really likes her. Since she became captain of the basketball team, we haven’t lost a single match!”  
  
Catra smiled wryly. “Yeah, yeah. Adora’s so great! She’s so good at everything! I’ve heard enough of that for a lifetime”, she grumbled and got up to leave. Scorpia and Entrapta didn’t even try to stop her, as if they had been expecting her outburst. She must have been more obvious than she thought. Dammit. Why did Adora have to have such a hold on her? It was so easy for the other girl to move on to better things, apparently, so why did it have to be so hard for Catra?  
  
She pushed open the door to the girls’ restroom and chucked her backpack to the floor. She hoped nobody was in there because before she could even really register her own actions, she had slid down to the dirty tiled floor and felt hot tears escaping her eyes and cascading down her cheeks. Goddammit, she hoped she had picked the waterproof mascara this morning.  
  
Catra couldn’t even really tell anyone why she was crying, not like anyone would bother to ask. Maybe it was the so-called “PTSD” she had, according to her therapist, whom she only reluctantly visited every week. Maybe the feelings of anger and self-loathing she felt at seeing Adora so happy and carefree without _her_ had piled up inside of her and were finally spilling over. But maybe it was something else.  
  
It didn’t matter anyway because Catra wasn’t going to let this go on. She resolutely wiped at her eyes until they stung, willing any more tears to stay right where they were, and got to her feet. Walking over to the sinks, she couldn’t help but stare at her own reflection in the mirror. She looked like a wreck. Her freckled cheeks were red and blotchy with tear tracks leading all the way down to her chin. At least her mascara wasn’t trailing down her face too, though that did little to salvage the whole puffy-eyed, messy-haired look she had going for her. _Sigh._  
  
Just as she had started splashing cold water on her face, the door opened behind her. Catra froze in place but didn’t look up, it was probably just some random student who needed to pee and would leave her alone. Of course, with her luck, that wasn’t the case.  
  
It was one of Adora’s friends, Catra couldn’t remember her name if she tried. Something like Flimmer? Simmer? It was silly, that Catra knew. She was short and chubby, with a cute face and short-ish pink hair but a look in her eyes that made Catra involuntarily take a step in the direction. Her eyes were downright fiery.  
  
“Catra, right?”, she asked and her voice was somewhere between kind and harsh, a weird oxymoron. Catra turned off the tap and went to fully look at her, taking in the other girl’s purple leggins and obnoxiously sequined top. A shudder went down her spine.  
  
“What’s it to you?”, she asked in return, already picking up her backpack to get out of there. Emmy (?) noticed and fixed her with a cold stare. Catra couldn’t help but stay put.  
  
“You know Adora, don’t you? She doesn’t really want to talk about it but she’s been weird since you got here", the other girl avoided her gaze for a moment before going right back to staring into her soul, "What happened between you two?” Catra was surprised to recognize the concern coloring her voice.  
  
_So Adora really found people who cared about her, huh?_  
  
Catra sneered. “She seems just fine to me.”  
  
Ginny (god, Catra kind of wished she could remember her name right now) raised an eyebrow. “Adora’s really great at pretending to be fine. But I live with her and I’d have to be blind not to notice. You showing up here has made some kind of impact on her and I hate not knowing what’s going on.”  
  
Shrugging, Catra turned around to leave, for real this time. “That’s not my problem. Maybe she just doesn’t trust you enough.”  
  
It was mean but Catra wanted it to be. She wanted to hurt her, this pretty, glittery girl who had taken her place in Adora’s life.  
  
Glimmer (she was pretty sure that’s what her name was) let her leave in silence.


	3. if you let me down, let me down slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trust exercise in gym class causes Catra to finally break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! this chapter is pretty short but i needed to get this scene out of the way. they'll get longer eventually (though not by that much, i'm just not that eloquent lmao)
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy this even if it's a bit rushed (i feel like i say this a lot). <3

After her admittedly quite embarrassing bathroom encounter with Glimmer (Catra had made sure to listen for her name while their teacher took attendance the next morning), everything had started to feel weird, like the universe was off balance.  
  
Catra was on edge and she didn’t know why. It was driving her up the walls. Scorpia and Entrapta had asked her what was going on but she couldn’t explain it, it felt like she was holding her breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Only, she didn’t realize the first one already had, or what kind of shoe it was. It was frankly frustrating.  
  
Then, about three weeks later, the shoe finally did drop.  
  
They were in gym class, which Catra and Scorpia shared with Adora and her two favorite sidekicks, Glimmer and Bro? Bart? (she hadn’t tried to figure out his name). There was also another one of Adora’s friends there, a tan girl with an attitude to rival Catra’s. She couldn’t remember her name (Marlies? Merida?) but if she hadn’t been friends with Adora, Catra might’ve wanted to befriend her. She didn’t though, because she _was_ friends with Adora, as everyone in this goddamn school seemed to be.  
  
They were doing some simple team building exercises. Right now, they were working on trust falls. Scorpia caught Catra easily, which wasn’t surprising considering her tall and muscular physique. Then it was Catra’s turn, and while Catra was by no means _weak_ , she was a good head shorter than Scorpia and maybe, just maybe, she was a little distracted by Adora.  
  
The other girl was prancing around on the far side of the gym, her blonde hair in its usual tight ponytail. She was wearing a sports bra and a loose top, which left little to Catra’s imagination. It was quite distracting, despite how Catra might have felt about her. Look, she was just a teenage lesbian.  
  
Either way, Scorpia and her toppled to the ground in a quite dramatic fashion, so dramatic, in fact, that it caught their gym teacher’s attention. The middle-aged woman immediately came rushing over, checking to make sure they were okay. Catra thought it was a little silly, it’s not like it was that bad of a fall.  
  
“I think it would be better if you two teamed up with different people for the rest of the class. You’ve only been working with each other since Catra arrived and maybe”, she put a hand on Catra’s arm, causing Catra to physically recoil in response, “you should work with a partner of a more similar build for this exercise.”  
  
Catra felt some kind of tension building up. She knew what the teacher was going to say before she did it.  
  
“Why don’t you”, she addressed Scorpia, “partner up with Octavia. And you, Catra, would probably work well with…let’s see”, she scanned the room for a suitable partner, “Adora!”  
  
There it was. Catra closed her eyes and counted to ten. She could hear Adora, sweet, naïve Adora who’d never talk back to a teacher, jogging over. She really didn’t want to do this.  
  
“Have fun, girls!”, their teacher said as she walked over to that sassy girl (Melody?) and her partner, a boy with a pre-mature mustache and the grace of a baby giraffe, who were arguing about something innocuous.  
  
“Hey, Catra”, Adora said, tentatively. It sounded weird to Catra’s ears. The Adora she knew had never been tentative, or insecure; she was headstrong and brave and a little dense, but never tentative.  
  
“Let’s get this over with”, Catra turned to look at the other girl and – god – if she had known it would hurt this much she’d have pretended that Scorpia had crushed her spine. Adora was just so bright, so _radiant_. And the bad memories her face called to the surface certainly didn’t help.  
  
Adora went to stand behind Catra, spreading her arms out to catch her. Damn her lesbian heart, but Catra had troubles drawing her eyes away from the other girl’s biceps.  
  
_“Get a fucking grip, she doesn’t care about you!”_ , her subconscious yelled at her to no avail. After what must only have been two seconds but felt like an eternity, Catra turned around. She was determined to just get this over with like a normal person. She felt Adora’s eyes, those gorgeous grey-blue eyes, on her back. It made the hairs on her forearms stand up.  
  
“Okay”, Adora cleared her throat behind her and just her voice made Catra want to kick her own shins, “you can let yourself fall now.”  
  
Something about that statement was so ironic to Catra. Let herself fall, huh? It was a little late for that, Adora.  
  
_“What am I even doing here?”_ , she thought, _“Doing trust falls with Adora of all people! Trust falls! Don’t make me laugh.”_  
  
“Uhh, Catra?”  
  
“WHAT?”, she whirled around, facing her childhood best friend. The girl she had thought would always be by her side. She had hurt her so badly, and in this moment, Catra wanted nothing more than to hurt her back.  
  
Adora raised her hands in defense. “You weren’t doing anything. Are you okay?”  
  
She couldn’t help it, Catra laughed in response. It sounded a bit crazed, a bit desperate. “Okay? Am I okay? Since when do you care?”  
  
Something in Adora’s eyes changed. If Catra’s eyes hadn’t been welling up with tears, she might’ve noticed that Adora’s were too. She slowly put her hands down and tried to reach for Catra, but Catra pulled away.  
  
“I’ve always cared Catra. We used to be best friends.”  
  
That was it. Who did Adora think she was?  
  
“Exactly! _Used_ to be. And whose fault is that? You left me, Adora. It’s clear that you don’t give a shit about how I feel so stop wasting your breath. Go back to your perfect friends and your perfect fucking life and just leave me alone!”  
  
She stormed off, knowing full well that this was incredibly theatrical, but she couldn’t care less. She didn’t want anyone to see her cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to hit me up on [tumblr](https://korapika.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/catrasgay)!


	4. i don't wanna make it out like it's no big deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Catra talk about their feelings at last. It's only a little dramatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again ~ i really hope i'm doing these two justice. the chapters are slowly getting longer, let's see if i can keep that up.  
> (tw: mentions of abuse and child neglect)

To be very honest, Catra didn’t know where she was running to. She had left her bag behind in the changing room, which was probably a stupid decision but she wasn’t exactly being the most rational right now, so whatever.  
  
She eventually came to a stop in the courtyard, by the cherry blossom tree Adora and her friends always ate their lunch underneath.  
  
_“How typical”_ , Catra scoffed at herself, _“It always comes back to Adora, huh?”_  
  
She kicked the tree in frustration, the sturdy wood didn’t move. Somehow, that made her cry even harder. If she couldn’t even get a damn tree to sway, how could she expect to make any sort of impact on Adora’s life?  
  
Adora had always been so much better than her. She was always the favorite, the star student, the star athelete. The prettiest and nicest and most popular. And Catra was so ridiculously, painfully in love with her. No matter what she tried to tell herself, no matter how much she wanted to hate her, she knew this was the truth. She loved her. She was drawn to her, like a moth to flame, like Icarus to the sun, destined to stand in her shadow.  
  
Yet, Catra had never cared much, when Adora and her were close, it was like none of these things mattered. When they had lied in Adora’s bed together, late at night, telling stories of ghouls and zombies, the rest of the world had just faded away and the love between them had felt so real and the distance so small.  
  
But those times were over. Adora had left and she hadn’t looked back. She wasn’t going to break Catra’s heart again. It had barely healed from the first time.  
  
Suddenly, Catra felt someone come to a stop behind her. She knew exactly who it was.  
  
“Leave. Me. Alone.”  
  
She didn’t turn around, didn’t trust herself to. Instead, she glared up at the sky, which had been grey and cloudy all day and noticed that a few raindrops had started to fall. Great, just perfect, she was standing in the courtyard wearing nothing but her gym shorts and a flimsy t-shirt, crying, while Adora was probably waiting to berate her or laugh at her or worse yet, try to sympathize with her.  
  
“Catra”, she felt a hand grip her wrist and couldn’t find the strength to rip her arm away, “I’m so sorry.”  
  
She hadn’t been expecting an apology. Whirling around, she promptly came face to face – or, well, face to chin, since Adora had grown quite a bit since the last time they had seen each other – with Adora’s tear-stained features. What?  
  
Adora must’ve seen the puzzled look on her face because the grip on her wrist tightened and she forced a weak smile.  
  
“I’m sorry”, she repeated, as if Catra hadn’t heard her the first time, hadn’t already committed her exact tone and enunciation to memory, “I know it’s like two years too late for this but, Catra, I missed you so much.”  
  
This made Catra laugh, not a joyful laugh, a dry and mean-spirited one.  
  
“If you had missed me, you would’ve called”, she avoided Adora’s sincere gaze. She didn’t care if Adora was sorry. (She was lying.)  
  
“Well, to be fair, you didn’t call either”, Catra flinched at that, “But you’re right. I just…this was all so new and exciting and I –“  
  
“Just forgot about me. Who cares about their stupid, old best friend when you have new, shiny ones. I get it, Adora. I was good enough for you when you had nothing else but as soon as you met someone nicer and less damaged I was written off. You don’t need to justify yourself, I would’ve left me too.”  
  
Catra was crying like a baby and she knew it, but Adora had seen her cry before. She could deal with it.  
  
“Catra…is that really what you think?”, Adora sounded hurt and Catra was overcome with anger. How dare she act like she was the victim?  
  
“What was I supposed to think? You told me we’d always have each other! You knew how Ms. Weaver treated me! But then you met some girl who offered to let you stay in her pretty mansion and you just left me behind! You have no idea how much worse it got after that”, Catra held back a sob, “But you don’t care, do you? Ms. Weaver was indicted for child abuse. Funny, isn’t it? I still have no idea who told on her but I guess she had it coming. The worst part though? The worst part was that it hurt me. She was the only one who had been a constant in my life, after even you weren’t. She was terrible and manipulative and starved us when we misbehaved but she was the only mother I ever had.”  
  
Catra didn’t know where she was going with this, but seeing the broken look in Adora’s eyes, she realized it felt good to finally vent about all the things she had been keeping locked up in her head for so long.  
  
“For two years I was hoping you’d come back. I wrote you letters because Ms. Weaver didn’t let me call you, but you never replied. Eventually I realized you didn’t give a fuck about me. You were just using me, weren’t you? Was I ever of any importance to you?”, she knew she sounded like a desperate fool but she needed to know.  
  
For once, she actually wanted to hear Adora’s side of things.  
  
With a disappointingly small amount of satisfaction, Catra noticed how miserable Adora looked. Her face was wet, a mix of tears and rain, most of her hair had come undone from her ponytail and was matted against her forehead. She was shivering in her gym clothes, goosebumps visible on every exposed part of her skin.  
  
“I didn’t forget about you, Catra. I thought about you, dammit, I think about you every single day. I wanted to take you with me, I would have if I had been able to. But I wasn’t! And you know I couldn’t stay. It had nothing to do with you”, Adora’s grip on Catra’s wrist didn’t weaken, “You were the only good thing about that goddamn orphanage.”  
  
The thing was, Catra got it. Deep down, she had always known that Adora’s reason for leaving wasn’t her. Anyone in their right mind would’ve hightailed out of that place as soon as they got an opportunity.  
  
Yet, Catra had always felt that if Adora had really cared about her, _she_ would’ve been enough to make her stay. She knew that this was stupid and unfair, she couldn’t expect Adora to continue living in such a dark, terrible place if she had a brighter future waiting for her and she knew, if she was being honest with herself, that it was partly her fault that they didn’t reconnect. She had been so caught up in her anger, her pain, that she didn’t reach out to Adora. And Adora knew all of this too because she knew Catra, she always had.  
  
“Wait”, Adora stopped, letting the words she was about to say die in her throat, “You said you sent me letters?”  
  
Catra nodded dumbly. What was so important about that?  
  
“I never got any.”  
  
For the first time in years, the two ex best friends shared a look that used to be commonplace between them.  
  
“Ms. Weaver”, they said in unison.  
  
And they laughed. Neither of them could help it. Of course Ms. Weaver had intercepted the letters. Of course she had.  
  
“Look, Catra, I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to reach out to you. I should have, but I knew you didn’t want me to”, Adora was looking at her so earnestly, “I figured I’d wait for a while, maybe you’d come around. When you didn’t, I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I thought I was doing you a favor by respecting your wishes but now I realize that was really dumb of me. I should have tried, I’m sorry. But please, Catra, don’t ever think I didn’t miss you. I missed you so much. I was never using you for anything. You were my best friend, my soulmate. I know Ms. Weaver messed with our heads but please don’t let her taint our memories.”  
  
With fresh tears spilling from her eyes and her shirt practically glued to her body by the rain, Catra threw herself into Adora’s arms, hugging her tightly. Normally, Catra really wasn’t a fan of physical affection, Scorpia would tell you she greatly treasured her personal space, but Adora had always been the exception to everything.  
  
Adora laughed and hugged her back, twirling her around and _damn_ she was strong, Catra was glad the other girl couldn’t see her blush.  
  
“Friends?”, she asked, still holding onto Catra’s waist like she was afraid she’d run away the second she let go.  
  
“Whatever”, Catra replied but was unable to keep up her cool façade, cracking a big smile that Adora returned.  
  
Both of them were sick the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...i don't really have much to say about this one except that my girlfriend yelled at me for writing an emotional scene in the rain and not making them kiss. oops. it'll happen soon enough, don't worry.
> 
> follow me on [tumblr](https://korapika.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/catrasgay)!


	5. i can't really guess what you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Adora and Catra are friends again, Catra finds herself also having to deal with Adora's new clique.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! this is another slightly short chapter but i had a lot of fun writing perfuma's little appearance here! so i hope you enjoy ~  
> also i apologize for the time skips, i know some people don't like those but i want to keep the plot moving and i'm also very busy with school at the moment so i'm trying to keep it shorter, hope you understand!

Within the next few weeks, Adora and Catra rekindled their bond, or something akin to it. It wasn’t the same as it had been before, that was impossible to achieve, but both girls would agree that it was better now.  
  
There were still things that were difficult for them, and sometimes old insecurities and bad memories got the better of them, but overall they were happy and doing well.  
  
Catra, Scorpia and Entrapta had even started sitting with Adora and her group at lunch, which meant Catra was finally forced to memorize all of their names (and what stupid names they were, though Catra probably didn’t have the right to comment on that).  
  
“Hey, Catra!”, Adora called out to her one day after classes had ended. Catra was standing at her locker, having just closed it, when Adora came barreling down the hallway.  
  
_“God have mercy”_ , Catra thought, _“this girl is a force of nature”_.  
  
Catra chuckled as Adora threw an arm around her, dragging her along. She decidedly ignored the way her shoulder burned where Adora touched it.  
  
“You wanna come watch me at basketball practice? We can go get some Taco Bell afterwards!”, Adora suggested, gesticulating wildly with her free hand. Catra smiled softly at her.  
  
“Sure”, Catra never did say no to seeing Adora in her basketball jersey.  
  
When they arrived, Catra immediately spotted Bow already on the field, warming up while chatting with Glimmer, who looked like she was in a rush. The short girl was probably late for dance practice.  
  
She greeted them and went to sit in the stands while Adora walked over to the changing room to get dressed.  
  
She pulled out her phone to pass the time – she was already on level 516 of Candy Crush – when someone walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped, ready to smack the offender with her phone, when she realized who it was.  
  
Next to her stood Perfuma, another one of Adora’s, and - she realized with a start - her friends.  
  
She was a sweet girl, with long, tangly blonde hair and more freckles than Catra herself. They weren’t exactly the best of friends since they didn’t really have much in common, what with Perfuma’s obsession with plants and other hippie things. Also, Perfuma wasn’t on the basketball team, so Catra was surprised to find her there.  
  
“Uh, hey. What’s up?”, she asked. Perfuma apparently understood this as an invitation to sit down next to her, way closer than Catra was entirely comfortable with. She grimaced awkwardly.  
  
“I wanted to ask you something”, Perfuma said.  
  
Catra did not like the glint in her eye at all. She slowly put her phone away in case she needed to make a run for it. You never know with girls like that.  
  
“Alright”, Catra reluctantly replied.  
  
Perfuma leaned in conspiratorially, she was so close Catra could feel her breath on her face. Don’t get her wrong, normally she wouldn’t complain about having a pretty girl all up in her business but this wasn’t one of those moments.  
  
_“Also”_ , a quieter voice in her head reminded her, _“The only girl you want all up in your business is Adora.”_  
  
“Are you and Adora dating?”  
  
If Catra had been drinking anything, she would have spit it out, cartoon style.  
  
“Excuse me?”, she asked, very unhappy with the shrill tone of her voice.  
  
_“Calm down, Catra! Maybe she doesn’t know you like Adora.”_ She wondered what was so shameful about liking Adora.  
  
Perfuma smirked and with a start Catra realized that she wasn’t as innocent or oblivious as everyone thought she was.  
  
_“Figures”_ , Catra thought, _“Just because she’s a pacifist doesn’t mean she’s some kind of saint.”_  
  
“Oh, you know”, Perfuma twirled the hem of her sundress between her fingers. Catra noticed her nails were bitten down almost to the cuticles, “You two are obviously giant lesbians. And you’re really close.”  
  
Catra snorted rather unattractively. “You think we’re dating just because we’re both gay? You, of all people, should know that’s bullshit.”  
  
Right, that was another thing. Shortly after reconciling with Adora, she found out that pretty much everyone in her friend group was gay, bisexual and/or transgender. Including Adora herself, which Catra was mayhaps a little too pleased about.  
  
To her credit, Perfuma chuckled good-naturedly. “You know that’s not what I mean. Adora may be blind to it, but the rest of us can all see your perpetual heart eyes. You’re not exactly a stealth master, Cat.”  
  
Catra blushed harder than she had probably ever blushed before, and that was saying something. She was pretty sure she looked like a tomato. How embarrassing! It was one thing to have a hopeless, unrequited crush on her gorgeous, popular best friend but it was another for everyone to know and, god forbid, _pity_ her!  
  
Perfuma must have noticed her distress because she just waved a hand and grinned. “I wouldn’t be talking to you about this if Adora didn’t return those heart eyes, doofus.”  
  
Eyes widening, Catra promptly choked on her own saliva. Yeah, right. Maybe Perfuma was spending a bit too much time around certain plants.  
  
“Adora’s just nice. She gives everyone heart eyes”, Catra tried to deflect.  
  
There was no way Adora would like her, right? Not when everyone at school was practically falling over themselves to ask her out.  
  
“Speak of the devil and she will appear”, Perfuma whispered beside her as Catra’s eyes found Adora leaving the changing room.  
  
God almighty, she looked so good. On anyone else, an oversized basketball jersey and a floppy ponytail wouldn’t have caused Catra to almost have a heart attack but Adora was just so indescribably, inscrutably beautiful. Also, her arms were certainly a bonus.  
  
Adora caught her eyes and came skipping over, smiling as if the sun was shining out of her ass. Catra admired her, honestly, for being able to keep up this happy, preppy attitude with the kind of past she had had.  
  
“Hey you”, Adora said, coming to a stop in front of the bleachers, “Oh! Hey, Perfuma. What brings you here?”  
  
Perfuma got up and dusted off her dress, though Catra doubted it was dusty enough for that to be necessary.  
  
“I was just chatting with our little wildcat here! But we’re done now. Have fun, you two”, she patted Catra's head as she walked away, throwing a suggestive look over her shoulder. Catra glared at her.  
  
“What was that about?”, Adora asked. Her ponytail was swinging as she subtly jumped from foot to foot, warming up.  
  
Catra shrugged, too focused on Adora’s shoulders peeking out from the red jersey to articulate any logical thoughts. Adora laughed, it was by no means a conventionally beautiful laugh. She kind of snorted while she did it and it was way too loud, but Catra would’ve sold both of her kidneys if it meant she could listen to it forever. Man, she had it bad.  
  
Before either of them could say anything more, the basketball coach blew into his whistle and called the team onto the field. With a wink and a “See you later!”, Adora set off to give instructions to her team.  
  
Needless to say, Catra completely forgot about Perfuma and her phone for the rest of the hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up on [tumblr](https://korapika.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/catrasgay)!


	6. i've been praying for you to be mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's date night, baby. No homo though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was actually so much fun to write, so i hope you have fun reading it too! also, it's the first chapter that's actually closer to 2000 words than to 1000 so i'm proud of that.
> 
> also, i've got a one shot in the works that i'll probably post sometime within the next four days as i'm going to london for the bts concert on friday and want it posted before that so be on the lookout for that!

The sun had already begun to set by the time Adora and Catra left the school building.  
  
It had colored the sky hues of orange and pink and the repressed romantic in Catra was mesmerized by it. She pretended not to care though, when Adora pointed it out, the colors reflecting in her bright eyes.  
  
“Did you have a good time?”, Adora asked when they made their way over to her motorcycle.  
  
The first time Catra had seen her on that thing, she had almost had an aneurysm. It was pretty sleek, wine red with little black heart stickers on the sides. Cute. It was less cute when Adora rode it though, that was just plain hot.  
  
With a start, Catra realized she would be riding on the motorcycle with Adora. That had never happened before, they usually just met up somewhere to hang out or walked there together.  
  
Jesus Christ, she would have to hold onto Adora’s waist. She felt her heart squeeze in her chest.  
  
“Uh, yeah”, she finally responded, her brain having only just registered Adora’s question, “You did well.”  
  
Adora beamed. No matter how much she was praised on a daily basis, the other girl was still humbled by every single compliment. Catra found that oddly endearing and in a sense, she also found it comforting. She was glad to know that Adora hadn’t transformed into some arrogant prep while they were apart.  
  
Way too soon, they arrived at Adora’s motorcycle and Catra was handed a helmet. It was simple and black. Adora’s, on the other hand, was a bright red with white stripes on it. It framed her face perfectly and Catra was annoyed that she even managed to look good in a fucking helmet.  
  
“Hold on tight, yeah?”, Adora reminded her as they climbed onto the vehicle.  
  
Catra hesitantly slid closer to Adora, so close that her chest was pressed flat against the other girl’s strong back. She wound her arms around Adora’s waist, careful not to squeeze her too tightly but unable not to relish in the feeling. God, she wished she could hold Adora close like this every day. For the rest of their lives.  
  
_“Wow, cheesy much?”_ , the voice in her head mocked her.  
  
Before Catra could register what was happening, they set off. The motorcycle practically flew across the streets and Catra was in awe.  
  
Everything - the houses, the trees, the pedestrians walking by - was blurred together with the colors of the setting sun, creating a romantic scene that made something twist deep inside Catra’s gut. It felt a bit like nostalgia, and she guessed it would have been if she had had any good memories like that from her childhood.  
  
The ride was over way sooner than Catra wanted it to be. They parked almost right next to the door of the restaurant and removed the helmets.  
  
Adora’s had messed up her ponytail, making her look like she had just walked a mile in a hurricane but Catra was still enamoured with the way Adora smiled and redid her hair, letting it fall past her shoulders and shaking her head, before putting it back up into her trademark meticulous ponytail. Catra had to squash down the urge to reach out and caress the blonde locks.  
  
She cleared her throat but her voice still sounded strained when she talked.  
  
“So that was fun.”  
  
Adora grinned and opened the door for her. Catra elbowed her as she walked past.  
  
“I’m glad! Bow doesn’t like it, he gets scared easily. And Glimmer gets a bit intense, she always wants to ride it too but she doesn’t have her license yet! Her mom would kill me if I let her do it!”  
  
Catra smiled at the thought of their friends’ antics. A month ago she’d have never thought she’d ever think even remotely fondly of those two.  
  
Though, she still butted heads with Glimmer more than they got along. It was a work in progress.  
  
“I still can’t quite believe it though”, she said as they stood at the counter, “You never struck me as the type to ride a motorcycle. Kinda thought that’d be my thing.”  
  
Adora smiled at her but didn’t reply, as in that moment it was their turn to place their order. They both asked for quesadillas.  
  
While they were waiting for their food, Adora said: “I guess I never really expected it of myself either. But now that I’ve been riding it for a while, it just feels right.”  
  
Catra couldn’t help but agree.  
  
“Number 310!”, the cashier called. They went to collect their orders and sat down in a booth. The window next to them overlooked the parking lot. Romantic.  
  
For a while, they talked about anything and everything. From school to sports to Scorpia’s parents’ weird habit of leaving socks everywhere in the house. Catra wasn’t sure which ones were hers anymore.  
  
Eventually, when they had both long finished their food, Adora’s hand found Catra’s on the table. She didn’t hold it, just rested it against hers, pinkies and thumbs touching.  
  
“Do you maybe want to sleep over? We could watch a movie or something.”  
  
The implication of that suggestion made Catra’s cheeks burn. She had to remind herself that Adora didn’t mean it that way.  
  
“Sure. Let me just text Scorpia.”  
  
  


* * *

  
  
“Welcome to _la casa de Greyskull!_ ”, Adora waved her arms exaggeratedly as they stepped into the entrance hall.  
  
Catra had not yet been to Adora’s new house and no matter what she had been imagining, it didn’t come close to the real thing.  
  
Adora hadn’t lied when she said it was huge. It was prodigious. The walls were a sparkling white with silver and pastel-colored decorations and paintings. The doors were bigger than trees and Catra was pretty sure just the entrance hall outdid the Garnet family’s home in size. Oh, and there was a crystal chandelier hanging above them. No biggie.  
  
“This is…something”, she remarked. Her eyes were probably the size of dinner plates.  
  
The awkward chuckle that followed her comment made her tear her eyes away from the room - she had just been eyeing the fancy, winding staircase - and back to Adora’s face.  
  
“Yeah”, Adora scratched her neck, “It took me a while to get used to this. It’s quite different from the Horde.”  
  
Catra scoffed and pointedly raised an eyebrow in the direction of the chandelier.  
  
“This and the Horde aren’t even on the same plane of existence.”  
  
With a shared look of agreement, the two ascended up the stairs. Adora in front of her, leading the way.  
  
They walked through a bunch of corridors that all looked the same to Catra, passing by windows overlooking vast gardens and - was that a swimming pool? – before arriving at the door that presumably led to Adora’s room.  
  
“Here we are”, Adora sounded nervous. She pushed open the double doors and they entered the room together. Well, more like chambers.  
  
“What the fuck”, Catra breathed.  
  
The room was enormous, with a king sized bed taking up the center of the room and giant windows with a view of the garden and the neighbourhood.  
  
Catra took note of book cases and a large mahogany desk with what looked like an expensive laptop lying on it, a huge closet, a TV and several bean bag chairs. There was even a fireplace! Catra suspected that the door next to the bed led to an ensuite bathroom, undoubtedly just as fancy as the rest of the place.  
  
“I know”, Adora sighed, “It’s a lot.”  
  
Catra looked at her like she had grown a second head.  
  
“Are you kidding me? This is awesome!”  
  
She promptly ran over to the bed and jumped into it, relishing in its smell. Strawberries and lavender. Adora.  
  
Speaking of Adora, she was still standing by the door, doubled over in laughter at Catra’s display. Catra acted like she didn’t see her, curling up on the bed like she used to when the two of them had shared a cot at the orphanage. She smiled bitterly at the memory.  
  
“Do you want to pick a movie?”, Adora asked her once she had calmed down, finally entering the room fully and closing the door behind her.  
  
Catra tried to sit up and failed, surprised at how bouncy the bed was. She saw Adora trying to hide a smile.  
  
“Sure, what’cha got?”  
  
Adora showed her to her DVD section in one of the book cases and went to change into her pajamas while Catra rifled through their options. Catra knew Adora liked chick flicks and horror, a weird combination, both of which Catra was not a fan of. She enjoyed action movies instead.  
  
However, Adora didn’t seem to own anything that particularly peaked Catra’s interest so she eventually settled for Shrek. Might as well get in some good laughs.  
  
When Adora walked back in and saw Catra lounging on the bed again, Shrek DVD in hand, she cracked up.  
  
“Shrek? Really, Catra?”, she wiped tears of laughter from her eyes.  
  
Catra jumped off the bed. “You own it.”  
  
“I suppose I do”, Adora replied and went over to the TV.  
  
Meanwhile, Catra admired the way she looked in her pajamas. She was wearing a grey top and black sweatpants, so it wasn’t really anything special - she even still had her hair up in a ponytail! – but something about it made Adora look so _soft_.  
  
“Wait”, Catra said, “I don’t have anything to wear.”  
  
Normally, she wouldn’t have minded just sleeping in her underwear but she didn’t reckon that would be appropriate right now.  
  
Adora simply laughed, not even turning around to look at her from where she was perched on the coffee table, pressing a bunch of random buttons on the remote to try and switch the language to English. Somehow, the DVD was in Russian. Neither of them spoke Russian.  
  
“I got you something to wear. It’s in the bathroom.”  
  
Catra raised an eyebrow but walked over to the ensuite without hesitation. And true to her word, the ottoman next to the shower was preoccupied by a pile of clothes. Catra inspected them closely.

The ensemble that Adora had picked out for her consisted of a red tank top and grey shorts. Not too bad. She also noticed a pair of fuzzy black socks that had seemingly fallen to the floor.  
  
Trying not to think about how these were Adora’s clothes that she had definitely worn on her own body before, Catra got dressed and quickly exited the bathroom again, finding Adora cuddled into one of the bean bag chairs with a bag of popcorn and a blanket depicting unicorns and rainbows. Wow.  
  
“Aww, it suits you!”, Adora exclaimed when she noticed Catra.  
  
The other girl shrugged, ignoring the way her cheeks were heating up, and quickly went to sit down in the chair next to Adora’s. A matching blanket had been laid out for her.  
  
“Let’s go then”, Catra said impatiently, making grabby hands at the popcorn. Adora handed it to her with laughter spilling from her lips.  
  
“Didn’t know you were this big of a Shrek fan”, she said but started the movie nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm slowly running out of song lyrics i can use for the chapter titles. didn't plan this properly. oops.  
> hit me up on [tumblr](https://korapika.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/catrasgay)!


	7. do i tell you i love you or not?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for awkward conversations and even more awkward mornings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again ~ so there's about three chapters left of this story and even though it's far from perfect, i've been having a lot of fun writing it and it really helped me get back into writing! i hope you guys have been enjoying it too. 
> 
> happy reading! ~

“Man, I love Shrek”, Catra wiped tears of joy from her eyes as the movie came to a close.  
  
Next to her, Adora had nearly fallen asleep, her head positioned at what must have been an uncomfortable angle.  
  
“You’re so weird”, Adora laughed. She got up and stretched, her shirt riding up slightly to expose a sliver of smooth skin that Catra would have paid someone to be allowed to run her fingers over just once.  
  
They cleaned everything up, or well, hid it where nobody would trip over it, and turned off the TV before climbing into bed. The mattress dipped suspiciously beneath the two of them, Catra would never get used to this.  
  
But she could get used to Adora lying right in front of her, her face relaxed and eyes sparkling happily. She used to take this for granted, though no matter how many times they had shared a bed at the orphanage, it had never quite felt like this. It had never felt so _safe_.  
  
“I’m really glad to have you back”, Adora whispered. Catra noticed that the other girl was avoiding her eyes, a blush creeping up her neck. She grinned.  
  
“Me too.”  
  
She felt the bed move as Adora nodded and moved closer - impossibly closer - to her.  
  
“I know we’ve talked about this already but I just want to say it again. I really missed you, Catra. I’m so happy with you.”  
  
Catra blinked. They had had this talk several times, crying in each other’s arms about the bad memories and laughing about the good ones. They had told each other about every regret and every repressed feeling. (Well, almost.)  
  
Catra thought the air had been cleared between them. Adora must have thought otherwise.  
  
“Sorry, umm, I mean”, Adora blushed and started moving backwards again. Catra almost reached out to stop her. “I just feel like I should be honest.”  
  
Catra furrowed her eyebrows. Was there something Adora hadn’t told her?  
  
“Honest?”, she asked and Adora’s blush deepened.  
  
“Forget it”, she said, “It was stupid anyway.”  
  
Frowning, Catra shook her head. “I wanna hear it.”  
  
“Let’s play twenty questions!”  
  
The sudden change in topic startled Catra. What the hell?  
  
“Adora, are you sure –“  
  
“I’ll go first!”  
  
“Adora –“, Catra reached out to catch the other girl’s wrist in her hand but missed when Adora sat up and waved her arms around.  
  
“What’s your favorite color?”  
  
Catra blinked.  
  
“You know that. There’s not a question you could ask me that you don’t already know the answer to.”  
  
Suddenly, a smirk overtook Adora’s angelic features. Police sirens went off in Catra’s head.  
  
“There is one”, she said, “Do you have a crush on anyone?”  
  
Catra felt like she had gotten hit with a ton of bricks.  
  
“I…what?”, she didn’t know what to say. No way was she going to reveal her stupid little crush to Adora.  
  
But Adora had other plans, apparently, as she lied back down again, smiling at Catra with an unidentifiable look in her eyes.  
  
“I’m curious. We’re best friends. Best friends talk about these things, right?”  
  
It was immeasurably difficult for Catra to pretend like her heart wasn’t breaking in her chest. If Adora liked her back, surely she wouldn’t ask her something like this. At least not this eagerly, like she wanted to set her up or something. Catra felt sick.  
  
“Well”, she cleared her throat, “We’re not normal best friends, are we? I don’t want to talk about stuff like this.”  
  
Adora seemed disappointed but not surprised. Figures, she knew Catra well enough to know that this endeavor of hers didn’t have high chances of success.  
  
“Why do you wanna know anyway?”, Catra couldn’t stop herself from asking. This wasn’t how Adora normally acted.  
  
Adora’s reaction only confirmed her suspicions. A full-blown blush took over the other girl’s fair cheeks, coloring them a deep ruby red. She avoided Catra’s eyes, blinking at the giant closet behind her head instead. Something was off.  
  
“It’s really not important.”  
  
Frowning, Catra reached for Adora and grasped her chin. She slowly moved Adora’s face back towards hers.  
  
“I know I’m not the most, well, emotionally available person”, Catra paused to gather her thoughts, “But if there’s something you want to talk about…well, you can talk to me.”  
  
Adora leaned into her hand that was still softly cradling her warm cheek.  
  
“I thought you didn’t want to talk about stuff like this.”  
  
Catra’s blood ran cold. So it was about a crush. Adora had a crush. On someone. A human girl. A girl that wasn’t her, couldn’t have been her.  
  
_“If it was you, she wouldn’t act like this”_ , Catra’s subconsciousness mocked her.  
  
Adora must’ve seen the conflict on her face because she lifted her face out of Catra’s grasp with a sad smile.  
  
“It’s alright”, she said and Catra knew it wasn’t, “We can talk about it another time.”  
  
They didn’t stay up for very long after that, both girls drifting off to sleep with an uncharacteristic amount of distance between them. Both of them felt that something was off.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
The next morning was awkward, for the lack of a better descriptor.  
  
When Catra awoke, the bed was empty. With bleary eyes, she took in the unfamiliar surroundings and was startled by how different the room looked in the morning light. Every piece of furniture seemed to glow or sparkle. It was a bit much for Catra’s taste.  
  
Adora’s side of the bed was still warm, Catra realized as she finally sat up. She couldn’t have been gone for too long then.  
  
Shrugging, Catra decided to make use of the extravagant shower she had come across in Adora’s bathroom last night. She grabbed her street clothes from the chaise she dropped them on – a fucking chaise, really Adora? – and made her way into the bathroom, hissing as her feet hit the cold tiles.  
  
“Rich enough for chandeliers and sparkly furniture, but not for floor heating”, she grumbled to herself.  
  
A whopping 50 minutes later, Catra emerged from the bathroom, thoroughly comfortable and warm after just having taken the best shower of her life, to find the bedroom still empty. She frowned. Where the hell did Adora go?  
  
She realized it would probably be smart to just wait for the other girl to come back from wherever she had run off to but Catra had always been a woman of action. So she set off to find her.  
  
And quickly realized her mistake. The mansion was no less huge or confusing than it had been the previous evening and Catra soon found herself completely and utterly lost.  
  
Somehow, she had wandered into a part of the house that was full of floor-to-ceiling windows and valuable looking objects in glass cases. _Was that a sword_?  
  
She had no idea where she was.  
  
Should she just start calling for help? A place like this must have personnel running around. Though, Catra doubted anyone would be able to hear her considering the sheer size of this place.  
  
_“God, how did people ever live in castles?”_  
  
Deciding to just keep walking, she started whistling “All Star” to pass the time. So what, the Shrek soundtrack was a piece of art, okay? After the third repetition of the song, she realized that she was facing the main staircase. The one that led down into the entrance hall.  
  
_“Thank fuck”_ , she thought, _“If I had to spend any more time walking around this ridiculous place, I would’ve just smashed a window and escaped.”_  
  
To everyone’s relief, all the windows were left unscathed and Catra descended the stairs into the at least somewhat familiar hall.  
  
“Good morning”, an unfamiliar voice greeted her.  
  
She turned to see a woman standing on the far side of the hall, tending to a vase of beautiful, pink flowers. The woman was tall with a slender face and long, wavy hair. She was wearing a luxurious, elaborate night gown that flowed with the woman’s every move like water. As Catra stepped towards her, she noticed the woman’s kind eyes. She was mesmerizing.  
  
“Uh”, Catra said eloquently, “Morning? I don’t mean to be rude but…who are you?”  
  
The woman laughed. It was a sweet, high-pitched sound akin to a wind chime. Catra couldn’t help but wonder if she had died and this woman was an angel.  
  
“I’m Angella”, the name almost made Catra laugh, “I’m Glimmer’s mother. I’m taking it you’re Adora’s guest?”  
  
That made sense. Actually, that made a lot more sense than the story Catra had come up with. She blushed.  
  
“Oh. Yes. I’m Catra.”  
  
This was so embarrassing.  
  
“Alright, Catra, why don’t you follow me into the kitchen. You look hungry.”  
  
The woman – Angella, she reminded herself with a grin – led her through another lavish corridor into the kitchen. Of course, the kitchen also looked like it had been copied and pasted straight from a fairy tale castle.  
  
“Where’s Adora?”, she asked once she had come back to her senses.  
  
Glimmer’s mom frowned, halting on her way to the counter.  
  
“She didn’t tell you? She’s at basketball practice.”  
  
Catra blinked. So Adora really left her in this place, huh? Awkward.  
  
The other woman smiled kindly at her, reaching into one of the cabinets to pull out a bag of toast.  
  
“I’m sure she just forgot to tell you yesterday and didn’t want to wake you up. Don’t worry about it.”  
  
Somehow, Catra doubted that. She had an inkling Adora was acting weird because of their half-finished conversation the night prior. What the hell was going on?  
  
Catra watched helplessly as the pretty, rich lady whose house she was basically an intruder in fixed her a sandwich.  
  
_“Maybe there are no butlers after all.”_  
  
“Here you go, darling”, Angella handed her the food and looked at her expectantly.  
  
She probably wanted her to sit down and make small talk with her or something. But Catra felt like she had long overstayed her welcome. So she tried her best to smile and told Angella something about being late for soccer practice – _“You don’t even play soccer, idiot.”_ – and basically made a run for it.  
  
She liked to think it looked sophisticated enough but she knew, deep down, that Angella must have thought she had acquired some kind of brain damage.  
  
Oh, well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up on [tumblr](https://korapika.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/catrasgay)!
> 
> (btw idk if anyone cares but i just got back from the bts concert at wembley stadium in london and WOW post-concert depression is real but i also had like the best day of my entire life which makes up for it)


	8. i'm on my own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra talks to some friends. Why does everyone seem to know more than she does?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! this one's a bit of a filler before the last two chapters. i hope it's not too boring but as i said at the beginning this story is supposed to help me get back into writing so i also want to explore all of the characters a little so i can get a feel for them! anyway, i love scorpia and i think bow and catra would make great friends, so yeah!
> 
> hope you enjoy it!

For the rest of the weekend, Catra didn’t hear from Adora again, apart from a few one-word replies to her own text messages.  
  
Alright, so Adora was mad. Or something. And Catra didn’t know why. She tried to be reasonable about it, recalling and analyzing all of Friday night’s conversations and glances and touches. She came up empty.  
  
The only thing she could think about that could possibly be the reason for Adora’s odd behaviour was the conversation they had had in bed that night, where Adora wanted to talk about her presumed crush.  
  
Frustrated, Catra groaned and clutched her pillow tighter, muffling a scream with it. Unfortunately, it must not have muffled it well enough, as Scorpia came rushing into her room just a moment later.

Staying exactly as she was, with her face pressed into the pillow, she waited for Scorpia to say something, anything. She didn’t though.  
  
The other girl simply sat down on the edge of her messy bed and started patting her back. It was a weird situation for Catra, who had never really experienced being comforted by another person, excluding Adora, that is.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?”, Scorpia asked, her voice soft.  
  
Sighing, Catra finally rolled over onto her back, still avoiding Scorpia’s eyes, and let her eyes trail around the room. Her room.  
  
Even after all this time, it was still strange to have her own space. She eyed the dark curtains that had been hastily drawn apart, the lackluster posters of random rock and punk bands on the walls, the pile of clothes on top of her desk chair. It was messy, but it was hers. It was lived-in.  
  
“I don’t even know what there is to talk about.”  
  
Scorpia brushed her curls out of her face and Catra subconsciously leaned into the touch.  
  
With a start, she realized how sad she was.  
  
“It’s just…”, she said, nervously picking at her long nails, “Adora and I had a sleepover on Friday, right?”  
  
Scorpia nodded like the good listener she was.  
  
“Yeah, so we watched a movie and everything was fine. But then, when we went to bed, she tried to tell me something. At least I think that’s what she wanted to do? I didn’t get it though, and she seemed upset about it. Said it wasn’t important but I could tell it was a big deal for her.”  
  
For a moment, Catra lost herself in her thoughts. Thinking back to Adora’s beautiful eyes, her long eyelashes and strong jawline. The way her smile had slowly and awkwardly faded from her lovely face when Catra presumably didn’t respond in the way she had hoped.  
  
“She tried to change the topic and asked me if I had a crush on anyone. I told her I didn’t like talking about this stuff and asked her to tell me what’s up. She told me she wouldn’t tell me because I didn’t like talking about it, so it must have been about a crush. “  
  
Scorpia’s eyes widened in realization.  
  
Bewildered, Catra continued her story: “Anyway, we went to sleep and the next morning she was just gone! Basketball practice, apparently. I had to endure an awkward conversation with Glimmer’s mom! It was so embarrassing. Since then she hasn’t texted me or anything. I tried to message her but all I received in return were short replies or just fucking emojis. What the hell did I do wrong?”  
  
She felt a tear slip from her eye and angrily wiped it away.  
  
Above her, Scorpia sighed.  
  
“You’re so smart, Catra. But sometimes you’re really dense.”  
  
This made Catra sit up.  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
A low chuckle escaped from Scorpia’s lips and the other girl guiltily covered her mouth.  
  
“It’s just…look, Cat. I don’t know if I should tell you, I don’t want take the opportunity away from Adora.”  
  
“What do you know about Adora that I don’t?”  
  
Catra was mad. She had thought that her and Adora were close again, that they could talk to each other about almost anything.  
  
_“Guess I was wrong.”_  
  
Scorpia winced at her aggressive tone, putting a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. Catra shrugged it off.  
  
“You should talk to her.”  
  
“Talk to her?”, Catra jumped off the bed and started angrily pacing around her room, “I’ve been trying to talk to her all weekend. If she thinks she can’t trust me, even though she said that everything between us was fine, then that’s her problem. God, I’m so stupid. I really thought Adora wouldn’t leave me again.”  
  
She delivered a kick to her bookshelf. The sharp pain that shot up her leg was almost grounding.  
  
“Catra”, Scorpia slowly approached her as one would a feral animal, “She’s not leaving you.”  
  
“Isn’t she? She doesn’t care about me, obviously. I was just dumb enough to let her manipulate me again”, a dry laugh escaped her, “I thought we were friends.”  
  
“You _are_ friends”, Scorpia took her wrist and carefully dragged her back over to the bed. Catra refused to sit down.  
  
“Whatever. If she wants to talk to me, she will. I’m not making a fool out of myself.”  
  
With that, she stormed out of the room, leaving an exasperated Scorpia behind on her bed. She needed to clear her head.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
As luck would have it, she ran into Bow minutes after leaving the house.  
  
She had been walking through a nearby park, indecisive about whether she should cry or beat up a stranger. Probably not the second one, if only because she wasn’t interested in being arrested, when the boy called out to her.  
  
“Hey, Catra!”  
  
She considered to just keep walking and act like she couldn’t hear him, but despite everything, Bow was a good guy, too closely resembling a puppy for Catra to be able to be really mean to him. It was infuriating.  
  
When she stopped to let him catch up to her, she noticed he was wearing basketball attire. Had he been practicing in this park?  
  
“Do you live here?”, Catra asked. She only realized how stupid she sounded after the words had already left her mouth.  
  
Bow stopped in his tracks, an amused expression on his face.  
  
“Uhh, in Bright Moon? Yeah.”  
  
She glowered at him.  
  
“No, in this part of town.”  
  
He seemed surprised by this question. She noticed how his red basketball jersey – who wears their team’s uniform outside of school? – was clinging to his body with sweat. He must have already been here for a while.  
  
“Not really. My dads own the big library near the high school, and we live in that same building. But I like to practice my moves in this park on the weekends, it’s usually empty so I don’t have to wait to be able to use the hoops”, he tilted his head, “Do you live here?”  
  
She just nodded. The answer seemed obvious to her.  
  
“I’ve never seen you around here though. What’s up?”  
  
She glared at him. He didn’t seem perturbed.  
  
“Can’t I just take a walk if I feel like it?”  
  
Bow sighed, nodding towards a bench just off the path. It was old and wooden, covered in shade thanks to the two big trees on either side of it.  
  
Reluctantly, she walked over to it and perched herself onto the backrest, old habits die hard. Bow sat down beside her and surprised Catra by being the first person from their ragtag group of friends to keep a respectable distance between them.  
  
“Look, I don’t wanna be invasive, but you’re not wearing a jacket and you look like you’re close to crying”, he awkwardly smiled at her, it was almost endearing, “You don’t have to talk to me about it if you don’t want to, I know we’re not exactly close, but I guess I’m here for you if you want me. Or something.”  
  
An involuntary giggle escaped her, which she quickly covered up with a cough. She was sad, goddammit.  
  
“Have you talked to Adora. Since Friday?”  
  
“I saw her at basketball practice.”  
  
Huh, that was a vague answer. She narrowed her eyes at him.  
“It’s just…”, Bow’s eyes met hers, they were dark brown and more serious than she had ever seen them since they first met, “It would probably be best if Adora tells you about it herself.”  
  
“So there is something going on? Why can’t she just talk to me about it?”, she realized she was almost yelling but didn’t care enough to quiet down.  
  
She was frustrated. Why did everyone know more than her?  
  
Not much else came from this conversation. Bow tried to console her, kept telling her to give Adora space, though she didn’t know what she had done to make Adora need that space, and they eventually parted ways.  
  
Though, she did feel significantly calmer after this rather useless talk, she was still angry. Why did she feel like she was the bad guy in this situation?  
  
Jamming her hands into the pockets of her hoodie, Catra made her way back home.  
  
_“I’ll talk to Adora tomorrow. She’s not getting away with this again.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up on [tumblr](https://korapika.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/catrasgay)!


	9. you just gotta speak honestly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out, finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's the second to last chapter, we've almost made it! thanks to everyone who's been supportive of this story even though it's far from a masterpiece. i've been having a lot of fun writing it nevertheless. <3

Talking to Adora however, turned out to be harder than Catra thought it would be.  
  
For one, the other girl seemed to be avoiding her completely. She didn’t meet her at her locker like she usually did and barely spared her a glance in the classes they shared.  
  
And as the cherry on top, Glimmer had been glaring daggers at her all day!  
  
Catra was exasperated. And sad. But mostly exasperated.  
  
How was she supposed to fix this if Adora acted like a child about it? Why was it even her job to fix anything? She didn’t remember doing anything wrong!  
  
Overcome with frustration, Catra slammed her locker shut. It was the end of the school day and Adora had not talked to her once, hadn’t even looked her way.  
  
You may be wondering why Catra didn’t just go up to her herself and demanded an explanation, but you see, Catra was incredibly stubborn and was honestly baffled by Adora’s behaviour. It wasn't her fault that Adora couldn't talk to her about her problems, so why should she have to run after her and ask for her forgiveness?  
  
No, Catra was above that.  
  
 _“Whatever”_ , she thought as she slung her backpack over her shoulder with a little too much force, _“I don’t need her. If she has a problem, she can come find me.”_  
  
Sadly, Catra wasn’t quite convinced by that. She already had abandonment issues as it was, so she really didn’t need this.  
  
Also, Adora was important to her, and she thought Adora knew that. So of course she was upset, she wanted her best friend back.  
  
Huh. This sure felt a lot like a deja-vu.  
  
Walking through the front gates, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was just meant to be left behind over and over again by the people she cared about.  
  
And if she was crying on her way home, since she had quite the distance to walk thanks to Scorpia being busy with after-school activities and not being able to give her a ride, then no one would ever have to know.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Her life continued on like this for about a week.  
  
Every day, she would arrive at school and Adora would be avoiding her. She would sit at lunch with Scorpia and Entrapta, just like she had done all those months ago before she had reconciled with Adora, and decidedly would not look at the other girl, sitting happily with her other friends like she always did.  
  
Bow would keep sending sympathetic looks her way, Glimmer would still be glaring and both Perfuma and Mermista would seem to be perpetually facepalming.  
  
Then, once the torture of high school was over, she’d go home and cry about it in her room.  
  
She knew Scorpia was pitying her, she could tell by the concered way the other girl looked at her, by the gentle pats and unnecessarily frequent hugs she was smothering her with. And she knew that Scorpia wasn’t the only one who had noticed.  
  
Even Entrapta had recently commented on her “sour mood”, and that was saying something, considering Catra had never exactly been a happy-go-lucky kind of girl.  
  
So all in all, her life sucked.  
  
Then, on a rainy Wednesday morning, Adora finally talked to her again.  
  
She came up to her in the hallway, like it was just a regular day and nothing had happened between them, casually leaning against the locker next to Catra’s.  
  
The blonde waited patiently until the other girl was done organizing the books she needed for the day, just silently watching her.  
  
Catra knew she was there, and she knew Adora knew that she knew, but she didn’t acknowledge her. If Adora wanted her attention after a week of radio silence, she’d have to do a little more than quietly stand next to her, waiting to be talked to.  
  
When Catra shut her locker, probably with more force than entirely necessary, Adora spoke up:  
  
“Hey, Catra.”  
  
Her voice was off. She seemed anxious, nervous. Her eyes were darting from the row of lockers to the floor to the water fountain on the other side of the hallway, only barely skimming over Catra. Her fingers were tapping a frantic rhythm on her thighs.  
  
Catra hummed, signalling her to keep talking.  
  
She made sure that her stance was defiant, arms crossed and chin held high. She wouldn’t let Adora see how much her actions had affected her.  
  
Adora cleared her throat.  
  
“Uhh, I wanted to apologize.”  
  
Catra raised an unimpressed eyebrow. She relished in the defeated sigh this drew from the other girl.  
  
“I was being a dick. I shouldn’t have ignored you…”, she finally met Catra’s eyes, “But I just needed the time to come to terms with some things.”  
  
Well, this was vague.  
  
“Things?”, Catra inquired, “About me?”  
  
Adora gulped and Catra followed the motion with her eyes, trailing her gaze down the other girl’s slender throat to the red hoodie she was wearing, It looked cozy and expensive. If she hadn’t been mad at Adora, she’d have loved to snuggle into it.  
  
“Yeah”, Adora chuckled nervously, “I’d rather talk about this after school though. If that’s okay?”  
  
And Catra – weak, weak Catra – had never been able to deny Adora anything. Especially not when she was looking at her like that, her grey eyes wide with hope and fear, her bottom lip pushed forward just slightly, broad shoulders filling out her soft hoodie.  
  
Only in that moment did Catra notice the disheveled state of Adora’s hair. Gone was the neat and meticulous ponytail that had become her trademark of sorts. The blonde strands had only been messily pulled up into a bun and quite a few of them were falling into Adora’s face, obscuring her eyes.  
  
Huh.  
  
“Alright.”  
  
The sparkle returned to Adora’s eyes at her response and Catra automatically softened. God, she was so gone for this girl.  
  
“Meet me at my motorcycle after school, then.”  
  
Although Catra wasn’t sure if she was ready to ride on Adora’s bike with her again, she agreed.  
  
Her self-control had always been lacking when Adora was involved.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
_14:30._  
  
Catra checked her phone. Nothing.  
  
She was lazing on Adora’s bike, which wasn’t very easy to pull off but Catra was always willing to sacrifice her comfort to look effortlessly cool.  
  
Problem was that she’d been in that exact same position for the past 30 minutes and her legs were starting to cramp. And Adora still hadn’t arrived.  
  
Where the hell could she have gone?  
  
It’s not like Adora could have just left without her, she needed her bike. And even if she’d changed her mind about talking to Catra, it would make little sense for her to leave it behind.  
  
Normally, Catra would be worried that something had happened to her, but this was a high school. She highly doubted Adora had been murdered on her way to the parking lot.  
  
But still, an uneasy feeling settled in Catra’s gut.  
  
 _“She was probably held up by a teacher”_ , her subconsciousness tried to reason with her, _“Or she saw another student in trouble and her hero complex kicked in. She’s probably helping someone carry a thousand books to the library right now.”_  
  
Yet despite her brain’s best efforts, her heartbeat didn’t calm down again until Adora, 40 minutes late, came running out of the exit, towards her.  
  
Her hair was even messier than it had been that morning, as if she had been running her hands through it all day, and her cheeks were flushed in what looked more like embarrassment than exhaustion.

“Took you long enough”, Catra quipped as Adora handed her the second helmet.  
  
She smiled apologetically.  
  
“I know, sorry that I kept you waiting. I had to talk to Glimmer about something.”  
  
For some reason, she felt the urge to roll her eyes at that, her jaw automatically clenching. So Glimmer was important enough to keep Catra waiting for this long, huh? But Catra wasn’t even important enough to inform about her running late? Great.  
  
Okay, so maybe the reason was jealousy.  
  
Wrapping her hands around Adora’s waist, much tighter than she had dared to last time, she scoffed.  
  
“Cool. Not like I was worried or anything.”  
  
Adora stilled in front of her, even though she had already turned the key in the ignition and they were ready to take off.  
  
“You were?”  
  
If Catra didn’t know any better, she would have described Adora’s tone as happy. Maybe even awed. But she did know better. Or at least, she wasn’t going to let herself hope.  
  
So she just grumbled something unintelligible in response.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Catra was suddenly overcome with a feeling of shame as Adora parked her bike on the side of the road and the two girls walked towards the front door of the Garnet’s house.  
  
It was an unassuming, one-story build with large windows and red paneling. The modest driveway was devoid of any cars, as every other member of the household was out, and lined by tiny flowers and silly little statues of various animals, which Scorpia’s dad had one day picked up at a yard sale and no matter how much Catra and his wife complained would not get rid of.  
  
It didn’t help that Scorpia adored them.  
  
Seemingly, so did Adora.  
  
“Oh my god, what are those?”, she was pointing at a row of bunny statues in various outfits. One of them was dressed as Batman.  
  
“Scorpia’s dad has strange taste in garden décor.”  
  
Adora grinned.  
  
“Are you kidding? I love them.”  
  
Rolling her eyes, Catra lightly pushed Adora in the direction of the door and unlocked it.  
  
Before they stepped over the threshold, she felt the need to justify herself, or well, the house.  
  
“So it’s not as fancy as your place, but you know…it’s better than the Horde.”  
  
She bent down to untie her shoes so she wasn’t looking at Adora when the other girl laughed.  
  
“I love it, it’s cozy. And it’d be weird if everyone lived in pompous mansions. It’s still a bit much for me sometimes.”  
  
Catra allowed herself to smile at the other girl, before leading her up to her bedroom.  
  
Belatedly, she realized she probably should’ve offered her something to drink.  
  
Whatever. It was just Adora, she could deal.  
  
 _“Just Adora”_ , the voice in her head mocked her, _“As if there’s anyone more important than her.”_  
  
Occasionally, Catra really wanted to punch herself in the face.  
  
Entering the room, Catra immediately went to sit on her bed, curling up against the headrest, while Adora took her sweet time exploring. The blonde eyed her clothing pile, thankfully with more curiosity than disgust, pulled a few books out of the shelves to read the back of them, and even commented on one of two of the posters.  
  
Apparently, Glimmer and her had quite the similar music taste. Oh, joy.  
  
“Are you gonna sit down at some point or should I leave you to roam around my room for a few hours?”  
  
Adora laughed, but complied. Sitting down opposite Catra on the bed, her legs crossed beneath her.  
  
“So. Talk”, Catra demanded and Adora fell silent, her face contorting into something more serious. More nervous.  
  
“Okay, so”, she took a deep breath, “Just listen. I guess. So the thing is, why I was upset, it’s that I –“.  
  
She groaned in frustration, hiding her face in her hands, while Catra waited patiently.  
  
Well, she was pretending to be patient. In reality, she was on the edge of her metaphorical seat.  
  
“Let’s just start with Friday night. So, I had a really great time”, Catra nodded in agreement, “And then we had that conversation. You know, in bed?”  
  
Catra nodded again, making note of the fact that her suspicions were right. Whatever was wrong could be traced back to that cursed conversation.  
  
“I wanted to…tell you something. And I guess I was waiting for you to realize, to respond in kind, or something. I suppose I wanted a very specific reaction from you. When I didn’t get that, I panicked and tried to change the topic but, and I know this is stupid and irrational, my brain managed to convince me that because you didn’t react how I had hoped you would, that you didn’t want to hear it, didn’t feel the same. I was upset about it and figured I’d feel better if I just avoided you for a while.”  
  
Catra was about to point out how ridiculous of an idea that was, when Adora did it herself.  
  
“And I mean”, she pointed at her messy hair, “That was obviously a fail. I missed you way too much. I was really stupid and I should’ve just talked to you, but I was scared, I guess. I’m sorry.”  
  
Confusedly, Catra realized that Adora still hadn’t told her what it was she was so afraid of, what she had originally been planning on confessing to her.  
  
Adora must have been able to see that on her face, they just knew other well like that, because her eyes suddenly doubled in intensity and she reached for Catra’s hand.  
  
She almost pulled back as a reflex, but Adora’s strong grip stopped her. She could feel her face heating up at the contact and hoped her hand wouldn’t start to sweat. That’d be gross.  
  
“So what is it that you wanted to tell me?”, she was genuinely curious, unable to imagine anything that would make her strong, brave Adora act this way.  
  
Catra couldn’t believe the words that came out of Adora’s mouth next.  
  
“I have a crush on you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up on [tumblr](https://korapika.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/catrasgay)!

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you're liking it so far! constructive criticism is appreciated but if you're just gonna be mean, keep it to yourself. we're all just here to have fun.


End file.
